


fragments of those memories are scratching at my nerves

by pseudocordelia



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: F/M, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2019-02-28 16:09:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13275084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pseudocordelia/pseuds/pseudocordelia
Summary: "I think he was in love with you, not me."-Saihara wakes up; and tries to become a normal high-school student. That is, until Maki Harukawa breaks his window.





	1. fragments of those memories

**Author's Note:**

> this has spoilers, if you couldn't already tell. the rating and content warnings for this fic may change in the future.
> 
> i hope you enjoy reading. any comments, positive or negative are highly appreciated. <3

_"Or maybe the outside world is the same as this one.  
It might be a world... filled with lies." _

They knew nothing about the outside world. They didn't know what was real. They had their doubts. Nevertheless, they stepped forward into the light, towards the outside world.

* * *

...and Shuichi immediately regretted it. He woke up to bright hospital lights, and he couldn't see Maki or Himiko. He wanted to ask Maki if it was okay to call her "Maki Roll", and if she still loved Kaito. _(He wouldn't be surprised if she answered either question with "Do you want to die?")_ He had promised to Kaede that everyone would be friends when they escaped. Even if there were only three survivors, he wanted to become friends with Himiko. But now they were gone; and he had no idea if they were even real.  
Before he could cry, he heard an unfamiliar voice.

'Doctor, he woke up!"  
He heard footsteps. Someone with long dark hair approached him, holding a pen and clipboard.  
"D-do you know your name?"  
"...is it Shuichi Saihara?" Tsumugi had said that _everything_ was fiction. The video of what was meant to be him auditioning for "Danganronpa" cut out his name, so there was no way to know. The doctor looked confused, but she nodded.  
"Do you know what year it is?"

He didn't. He couldn't even remember how old he was, other than that he was meant to be in high school. He was bombarded with questions, about what he did and didn't remember. To him, finding out that his own name wasn't a lie made him happy enough. And he was grateful enough he actually had an uncle.

The doctor, after asking dozens of questions, told him there was damage to his basal ganglia and both his hippocampi. He might have difficulty speaking, with his posture, and many other things... but what grabbed his attention is that it could affect memory.

"...can this brain damage cause false memories?"  
"I-I've never heard of such an occurrence... but anything's possible," she was looking down at the floor. "Memories of people... memories of events... Whatever memory it is, losing memories is... like losing your personal identity. I hope you can remember more..."  
Shuichi was confused.  
"N-nevermind that! I carried on a bit too much... sorry. Your uncle's on his way, and if you need anything, just call out."  
She hadn't told him anything about how he ended up in the hospital - maybe that was for the better. Contemplating whether or not to ask, he decided not to when he heard someone falling over in the hallway.

* * *

 "Shuichi, I'm so glad you're okay."

The ride home was long - and althought Shuichi felt awkward barely knowing this man who had always known him, Shuichi felt as if he could trust his uncle. The man looked the same as he did in Saihara's memories - so he felt they must've had around the same relationship.

"What exactly happened to me?"

Saihara noticed the man beginning to frown. 

"Well..." he let out a sigh. "You went missing for around a month, and then you were found in an alleyway. You were out of it for a day or two while in the hospital. It's a mystery, but I've got my agency onto it."

"You're a detective?" Shuichi asked, bewildered. He actually had an uncle that he lived with who was a detective and Shuichi Saihara was actually his name. He felt as if Tsumugi's lie wasn't too creative.

"Nope," he chuckled. "I just sort out the paperwork, take phonecalls and make coffee. I'm an assistant to a private investigator."

Shuichi disregarded his last thought. Everything must've been half truths  _or half lies._ He decided to see the cup as half full, not half empty.

"Well, Shuichi, what _do_ you remember?"

He remembered Kaede's smile, and her hanging body.  "I was walking to school," he remembered Maki's unshakable will, and the three of them would train together - "and then I was shoved into a car by men whose face I can't remember." And he remembered Maki confessing her love to Kaito, and the way he died in a pool of his own blood.

"And then, I woke up and fell out of a locker. In a classroom with barbed wire surrounding the windows. I met other students my age," his uncle listened, not doubting a thing. Or maybe he was too focused on driving. "We were all equally as confused - including myself, there were sixteen of us."

"Exactly sixteen?"

Confused, Saihara nodded. "Sixteen of us. But I can't tell if it was a dream or not."

"...doesn't matter, just tell me about it."

 He talked about how there were strange robots that resembled bears, and that there were murders. He didn't go into too much detail, because he didn't need to - and he didn't _want_ to. Even if these people Saihara mourned weren't real, it still hurt his heart to think of his friends' deaths.

The only names he mentioned were Tsumugi Shirogane and Junko Enoshima. He mentioned the supposed history of Hope's Peak Academy, but then how Tsumugi Shirogane said none of it was real. That Super High School Level Students weren't real, and that Hope's Peak was a lie.

"She was lying." Shuichi cocked his eyebrow at his Uncle's statement. "Junko Enoshima almost destroyed our world, and she made the students of Hope's Peak kill each other. Of course, this was all decades ago..." he let out a sight. "This was done by a copycat criminal."

He did wonder why Tsumugi called herself a _"cosplay cat criminal"_.

* * *

His uncle said that nobody in the entire country had the name "Tsumugi Shirogane" but that some people were investigating the case. So, Shuichi didn't worry. He went back to studying, and he begun getting to know people who already knew him. He begun getting to know more about himself, too.

Yet every night, while trying to get to sleep, he was plagued with thoughts about his "classmates". Were Himiko and Maki having the same experience he was having? Was Maki still thinking about Kaito?

...Saihara was still thinking about Kaito. And the words he had said.

_"The impossible is possible! All you gotta do is make it so!"_

Was it possible that Kaito was still alive? Or maybe even Kaede too, for that matter? Every night, he wanted to know about his friends. But he didn't want to waste his Uncle's time by asking to search for information on these people, when he only had their supposed names.

He tried to stop thinking about it. His life went back to normal, until Maki Harukawa broke his window.

 


	2. and I am hearing their voice in deepest reverb

Earlier that day Shuichi had googled Ryoma Hoshi's name - only to find no news of a boy by that name committing any crimes - let alone mass murder, and social media profiles without his face. While scrolling through the search results, his phone buzzed. That was strange, considering the only person who texted him was his uncle, and right now he was in another room watching television.

The text read, " _Keep your window open,_ " he ignored it, thinking it was just a weird prank.

 That evening, his uncle had left to go to work. Shuichi was lying in bed, reading a novel. It was part of his schedule now - he'd read a chapter every night before bed.

This night, however, his reading had been interrupted. As he was about to turn his page, there was a large smash and the sound of glass breaking. He was quick to get onto his feet, only to stop after seeing someone crawling through the window.

"I told you to keep your window open," said a cold, familiar voice. Saihara screeched. It was definitely _her -_ she looked the exact same, her red eyes, her dark hair, her beauty spot. She just wasn't wearing twintails - her hair was up in one high pony. Saihara supposed it would've been more convenient.

"M-Maki!?"

"...you can call me Harumaki." She had a bittersweet smile on her face.

"You just broke my window, Maki."

"...your fault for not leaving it open," this was the longest time he'd ever seen Maki smiling. Saihara was bewildered - he was happy to see her again, but he was also mad that she couldn't just knock.

"Maki, your text didn't even say your name..." he blankly stared at her, "and this house has a frontdoor."

"I-I wouldn't know what to do if you didn't answer," she was playing with her hair. "Can I just get somewhere to sit down before I explain? Standing near broken glass is annoying..."  
  
Saihara nodded towards a nearby chair. He sat down near his bed. "Maki, my uncle's going to worry about that wind-"

"Shut up about that window. I'll pay for it." _(Shuichi wanted to know how she got the money, but considering what she did for work in his "dream", he didn't ask.)_

"Good," that was one problem solved for him, "but how did you find me?"

"I was an assassin. I know how to track people down. You should know how to, too... you're kind of stupid for not finding me first."

Saihara was silent for a few seconds, and they stared at each other. Maki said what she was in _The Academy for Gifted Juveniles_ , treating it if it was true. If she spoke of their experience as if it were real, Shuichi supposed he could say he _was_ the Super High School Level Detective.

"I worked on adultery most of the time, not missing peoples," he was looking down, not at her, because he didn't want to see how she reacted to his following words. "And... I did want to know if you were real, but - I wanted to just be a regular high school student. Maybe we could've been regular friends, who never went through a killing game together. I didn't want _that_ to be real - because if it was, somebody would be responsible. Someone out there made us go through that horrible experience. We'd have no leads, because Tsumugi Shirogane doesn't exist."

"You're pissing me off," her words were harsh, but Maki's voice was soft, and she didn't sound annoyed at all. He looked up, and she didn't look annoyed either. "Aren't you glad of the bonds you made? With me, Kaito... Kaede..."

He hadn't heard those names in a long time. "Why did you break into my house, anyway? If you just wanted me to be your friend..."  
"I don't want to just be your friend!"  she yelled. "I... want you to come with me to meet Kaito."

"...why did you see my first, anyway? I thought you lo-"

"Do you want to die?" She stared daggers at him. "I did, but you have no business talking about _my_ feelings. Besides..." Saihara thought her eyes were wet. "I poured my heart out to him - and he had enough time to tell me if he felt the same. But he didn't."

"He was going to die. Wasn't that the good thing to do?"

"Listen to me first. He didn't say he felt the same. His last words to me were an apology, and his last words to you were advice... he wanted you to know you were never alone. I think he wanted to be with you. Didn't you see the way he looked at you? "

"What do you mean, Maki?" Saihara did like the way Kaito looked at him. Kaito grinned at him, and his eyes never looked scared (except when it came to ghosts). His smile was nice.

"I think he was in love with you, not me."

Shuichi wasn't shocked, if anything, if that was true - maybe he wouldn't mind returning those feelings.

"That's why you need to come with me. So he's happy, even without me. Besides, he might not even remember either of us."

He nodded.

 


	3. until this time is up i'll never give this up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you left kudos or comments i love you. i appreciate all you reading this.

“I’ll go meet Kaito with you,” Saihara smiled at Maki. He felt as if she was almost the same in that place. She acted cold on the outside, but deep down, she was sweet. The only difference was her hairstyle, and she was smiling more. “But… how are we going to get there?”

“Train. It’s about an hour away. Your uncle will let you go on a weekend trip, right?”

Shuichi nodded. He wanted to ask how Maki’s guardians felt about her just leaving late in the evening – but he didn’t want to assume she had some. Maybe she really was an orphan.

“Then… it’s late. Can I use your couch?”

“Yeah. But… how am I meant to say why a girl’s staying with me?”

Maki didn’t seem to understand what the implications of her staying the night meant. “Can’t you just say a friend from class is staying over? Oh, and close the curtains. I don’t want him seeing that window.”

“Alright, good night.”                                        

Maki smiled. “Good night, Saihara.”

He sighed as he heard Maki’s footsteps as she went down the hallway. He felt kind of embarrassed… his cheeks were hot; he had never had a girl who wasn’t family stay the night. (Unless those weird Love Hotel dreams counted. He wondered if Maki ever got herself a Key of Love…). He closed the curtains, cleaned up all the glass that was inside and hoped that there wasn’t much outside. Flipping open his phone, Shuichi sent a text.

_A classmate and I studied together today. She’s sleeping on the couch._

At least she was sleeping on the couch. Never before had Shuichi been this grateful for owning a couch.

* * *

Shuichi woke up early the following day. The cold winds blowing through his curtain made it difficult to stay in bed. The sun was up, so he decided to get up.

Maki was sitting in front of the window. Sunlight peered through the windows and shone on her, shadows of trees were reflected on her face. It looked like she was watching the birds. “Good morning, Maki…” he paused, hesitating. His mouth was half open, and Maki was staring at him “…roll.”

Maki smirked. “Good morning,” she was still glancing at the birds, absentmindedly. Shuichi thought that maybe she didn’t know what to say. She hadn’t made any eye contact.

“…have you had anything to eat, Maki?” she shook her head, and began playing with her hair. Her index finger twirled it around. She had taken it out, and was wearing a red scrunchie on her wrist.

 

Shuichi thought she looked nice. He’d never seen her with her hair out. “I’m going to make toast. Do you want anything else?”

“Coffee,” she said silently, and stood up, walking towards the couch. Only then did Shuichi notice the black bag on the couch. It was awfully familiar to what her lab’s crossbows were in.

“Maki,” her head whipped towards him the moment he said her name. “When did you bring that in?”  
“Last night. It’d be a pain getting it through the window. I had it the whole time. But I had already left your room before I could crawl back out fetch it. I didn’t want to wake you up. So, I went through the front door, like you told me to.” She maintained a calm, expressionless tone the whole time. “I had it from the start, ever since I left to go here.”

  
“A-alright,” Shuichi stuttered. What was in there? He was kind of concerned. She turned her back towards him. “Do you want any sugar in your coffee?”  
“No,” she replied nonchalantly, unzipping the bag. Shuichi was somewhat relieved when it was just a hairbrush.

He turned the kettle on, and grabbed 3 mugs.

-

The mug clinked against his uncle’s nightstand. The man wearily opened his eyes. “Thanks, Shuichi.” He was awake now.

“Umm…” Shuichi couldn’t exactly say that his supposed dream was true and that a person he met in it came over last night. “I’m going on the train to a place a bit off with that classmate. I might not be home in the m-”  
“You’re a young man, Shuichi,” the man yawned, putting his feet on the floor and taking a sip of coffee. “You don’t need my permission, y’know. I’m glad you’ve got yourself a friend to do something with now. When you first woke up, I was worried you wouldn’t be able to make any… but now you’ve taken off your hat, and can actually look at people.”

Shuichi simply nodded. “Thank you,” he made his way out, to go give Maki her coffee. As he was leaving the room, his uncle spoke once more.

“What are you doing over there, anyway?”

 _I’m just going to find a person from what you believe is a dream, who might not even remember me._ “Uhh… a date.” That was the best excuse he could think of.

“Oh? You got yourself a girlfriend? Maybe a boyf-”  
Shuichi slammed the door.

* * *

 

Maki hadn’t left the bathroom yet, and he didn’t want to interrupt her, whatever she was doing. So, he just put both of their plates on the dining table. He hadn’t had a meal with someone else since the day he woke up, considering how busy his uncle was, so this was nice. Taking a sip of his tea, he waited for her to come out. He’d feel rude starting without her.

When she came out wearing her hair in the familiar twintails style, Saihara was kind of speechless. It felt nostalgic. “Maki, why are you wearing your hair like that?” he couldn’t help but ask.

“To remind him,” she replied. “It seems we remember perfectly, but…”  
Shuichi knew what she wanted to say. _Kaito died._ He might remember things differently. He simply nodded.  
“Do you think we could do anything to make him remember you better?” she sat down and raised the coffee cup to her mouth, holding it with both hands. “Your hair is the exact same, and I don’t think you’d have any familiar outfits.”  
“I can put on a cap…?” it was kind of stupid, considering he’d barely worn the hat in that ‘game’.

“Alright,” Maki smiled and picked up her toast. “you can put on your emo hat.”

He heard his uncle turning the shower on. He did not want his uncle embarrassing him in front of Maki. “Can we go after finishing breakfast?”

She nodded.

  
(Never before had Shuichi been grateful for his Uncle taking forever in the shower.)

* * *

 

They left quickly. “It’s about half an hour away from the station here,” Maki stated, “and then we’ll have to walk for a bit.” They boarded the train, and they were lucky enough to get seats next to each other.

It was silent between him and Maki once they said down. There the sounds of other passengers murmuring, and the train against the rails, but he decided he’d have to talk first to start a conversation with Maki.

“What will we do once we get to his house?” Shuichi felt a bit nervous. He kind of wanted to ask if they’d break Kaito’s window, but Maki might ask if he wanted to die.

“We knock, and he’ll answer.”  
Shuichi cocked his head in confusion. How did Maki know this? She seemed to notice his confusion. “He lives with his grandparents, and they’ll be going to church this morning, leaving him alone at home. I analysed their schedule. And I don’t want to break in, because that’s an elderly couple.”

Saihara was silent. “It’s okay to break into my house, but not Kaito’s?”  
“Do you want to die?”  
He laughed. And she laughed. He thought this was the first he’d seen Maki laugh. She’d always say some shocking things followed with a cold, “it’s a joke” – or casually call Kaito an idiot, but Shuichi had never heard her laugh.

“…your uncle wasn’t home, and he wouldn’t notice, and if he did, he wouldn’t care. But they’re like, seventy or something. Would you break into a seventy-year-olds’ home?”

“No.” He wouldn’t break into anywhere in the first place. Well, that was one question answered for him. The other one he had, he wasn’t sure if Maki could answer it. “But what do we do if he doesn’t know who we are?”

Maki was silent for a few seconds. “He should.”  
  
They spent the rest of the train ride in mutual silence.

* * *

 

They stood at Kaito’s front door. It said “Momota Household” above the doorbell, so it must’ve been the right place.

It was a nice house – probably more expensive than where Shuichi lived. There was a nice, kept guardian full of flowers. It was bright and colourful, it seemed like a lovely place. White laced curtains obscured their view, so they couldn’t look inside. They stood in silence for a bit, looking forward at their goal.

“Which one of us is going to press it?”  
Maki answered Shuichi’s question by pressing the button. There was a ding, and a boy taller than the both of them answered the door.

He had the same purple hair, the same purple eyes, the same goatee… it was definitely him.

“Ma-!?” he stuttered, and Maki’s eyes beamed. He seemed shocked. Was he going to say her name? Was he going to say Saihara’s name? Did he remember? “Ma-may I help you?”

Maki frowned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> expect another update by the end of this month! i'm glad that i won't be writing saihara's uncle into it,, because i am angry not having a name to refer to saihara's uncle as. i haven't seen any fanon names for him, either.  
> i hope you have a great day/night, reader.


	4. the majority is still asleep - they're tired of those dreadful dreams.

 “May I help you?”

Shuichi was silent, and he looked at Maki. When he asked her what they would do in this situation, she just denied it could ever happen. And here they were. (Or maybe Kaito was denying it…)

“Are you trying to fuckin’ sell me something?”  
Maki didn’t say anything; she was ruffling through her bag. Maybe she was looking for something to remind Kaito? She had bought red hairties for that, maybe she had something else.

Shuichi shook his head at Kaito and took his hat off and put it to his chest. Hopefully that would spark a memory. “No, weren’t not here to sell you anything,” Shuichi mumbled, trying his best to keep eye-contact. “We’d just like to know if you’re Kaito Momota.”

“Yeah, what’s it to you?” Kaito’s eyebrow furrowed, and Shuichi though he saw Kaito curling his knuckles up.

Shuichi looked towards Maki. She pulled out what was in her bag.  
“Maki!” Shuichi tried to grab her arm, but she swiftly evaded with a quick step back.

She held the dagger towards Kaito. “You recognize this, right?” her eyes gave him a domineering stare, and her hair stood on ends. Kaito looked scared.

“Maki, put the knife down!” Shuichi didn’t know what to do. What on earth was she planning to do? Was this some weird plan, or was she actually planning to do something with it?

“…Saihara-kun,” her voice sounded sad. She wasn’t even calling him his first name; she went back to what she said when they first met, in that terrible school. “Don’t you understand? Those videos Tsumugi showed us, in the last class trial… he could be like that.”

There was no way in Shuichi’s mind. He liked to think he wasn’t like himself in that video. He did adore the real Ultimate Detective when he found out about her, but he fucking hated the killing game. He would never want to be the blackened, either.

…and Kaede definitely had hope in humanity, right? Maybe he could meet her with Maki’s help, after he helped her meet Kaito.

“And if he’s like that, he might’ve even helped that terrible simulation happen! S-so…”, a single tear rolled down her cheek. “I did want to meet him just because I liked h-“  
Kaito grabbed Maki’s wrist.

“C-calm down, Maki roll!” he stammered, “I’m sorry for not talking sooner! I remember! I just… thought you were a dream.”

She dropped the knife, and it clunked against the concrete steps.

“Why didn’t you talk sooner!?”

“Come in, Maki. You too, Shuichi.”

* * *

Shuichi sat down on Kaito’s bed. They were in his room because if the door was shut, his grandparents wouldn’t interrupt. He had stars decorating his ceiling. They were the green that most glow-in-the-dark stuff was, and he had a space-themed calendar, too. Next to it was a map of constellations, and a Mercator projection map. There were also several small potted plants in his room; some cacti rested near the window.

Shuichi was surprised by how much Kaito liked space. He thought it was endearing, but he wondered if Maki would feel the same.

The moment she entered, she asked where the bathroom was. She must’ve been embarrassed about crying.

“I’m sorry about that,” Shuichi sighed, “I didn’t even know she had a knife. But at least she didn’t break your window.”

“I’m just glad she’s real. I had no idea. I feel bad for not saying I remembered you, but I’d sound like a total weirdo.” He was looking away.

“I had no idea either, until she came to me. She wanted me to come with her, to see you.”

Kaito was silent for a bit. “She wanted to see me?”

“Y-yeah…” Shuichi felt a bit awkward. Kaito must’ve been thinking of why, and she nearly said it before Kaito grabbed her. She said she thought Kaito liked him, so he didn’t know what to say. Even if he did, would he still have those feelings from back then?

“Where were you when you woke up, anyway?”

“Hospital, didn’t think much of it. I’m in them all the time…” Shuichi wanted to ask _why,_ but he feared the answer. “And that game, felt like a lifetime. But I woke up and remembered my old life and just guessed that game was a lie. Was pretty weird that I was fluent in Russian all of a sudden, though.”

Shuichi’s eyes widened. Who on Earth thinks it’s just “weird” to wake up knowing a whole new language? He sighed, because there was something more important there. “You remember your life before the game?”

Kaito nodded. “You saying you don’t?”  
“Maki and I don’t, but we survived.”, Shuichi felt rude saying it, “so maybe it’s different for you.”  
“You survived!? Who else did? Or was it just the two of you…?”

“Himiko. Tsumugi was the mastermind, and Kiibo killed her and destroyed himself to let us out…” He didn’t want to talk about the video of Kaito. Kaito definitely wasn’t like that.

“Tsumugi’s the mastermind!?” Kaito seemed flabberghasted. “She was so plain… I don’t usually punch girls, but I really want to punch her.”

Saihara looked down towards his own feet. “Nobody with her name exists in Japan, Kaito.”  
“That’s just Japan! She could be hiding somewhere else, you know?”  
He was silent. Maybe Kaito was right.

But would they even do if they found her…?

Maki opened the door and sat down. There was no more evidence of tears on her face. “Shuichi, did you tell him everything that happened?”  
“I think I told him most of it?” he was not telling some parts on purpose, and he had a question for Maki, anyway. “But how did you get a knife like that…?”  
She looked away. “None of your business.”  
Maki didn’t seem to care about how Kaito actually seemed to like space. There was an awkward silence, until Kaito broke it.

“Hey Maki Roll, I’m glad to see you.” He gave her a bright smile. Her face remained melancholic, almost expressionless.

“Kaito,” she said, keeping her eyes right on his, “do you remember what I said before your execution?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kaito being fluent in russian is mentioned in his FTE, and it's said in his monopad profile that he likes potted plants, if that didn't make sense to you.


	5. now, let me shout and wake you up - LET ME WAKE YOU UP

"Kaito, do you remember what I said before your execution?"

Kaito was silent. He seemed a bit surprised by how blunt Maki had been.

"Maki, you didn't have to go straight into that," Shuichi sighed. This was what happened before Kaito "died" - it must've been terrible to recollect it. Even if Saihara hadn't died himself, he still felt despair thinking of those dreadful executions - it must've been even worse to go through one. _(Then again, Kaito didn't "die" from his execution.)_ "Can't you at l-"  
"It's okay, Saihara," Kaito didn't sound annoyed at all. "I do remember, but Maki, at least sit down."  
She groaned, and strided across the room to sit down. Shuichi felt a bit bad that he was the one sitting on Kaito's bed.

* * *

Kaito Momota had never received a love confession before. He had gotten chocolates from girls before, and asked on dates, but nobody had ever admitted to falling in love with him. And he felt terrible for not being able to return those affections.

"And I've never... ...met someone as stubborn as you before... And...I've never... ...fallen for someone before. That's why I won't let you kill Kaito! I absolutely won't let you!"

He kind of wanted to tell Maki and Shuichi that he loved them. Shuichi was smart, and he thought it was admirable the way he was beginning to be able to look at people in the eyes. He liked it when Shuichi looked him in the eyes. He wanted to help Shuichi believe in himself. He regretted distancing himself from Shuichi, and not kissing him through that window the night before his trial.

Maki was strong, and Kaito found it amazing that she had gone through so much, and still persisted. She had done so many bad things, but was still a good person. He liked it when Maki smiled, because it was rare to see. On the outside, she acted harsh, asking him if he wanted to die among other things - but he knew that deep down she cared. He regretted not being able to return her feelings.

He had told Shuichi to be more manly - but that wasn't manly at all. He couldn't tell either of them how he felt. If he told both of them, they could've mourned more - if he told only one of them, the other could be jealous. He didn't even know if Shuichi liked him back, anyway. Being the coward he thought he was, he stayed silent. He tried to give some reassuring words, but Maki was still crying. Shuichi still seemed sad.

As he died, he was just glad that he didn't die from Monokuma's execution. He died because he was going to die anyway. He died with a smile on his face.

Or at least he thought he died. He woke up, and it felt like his lifetime had passed. He was used to being in hospitals, he had severe acute asthma. (What was the disease in that _dream_ meant to be, he wondered? He did sometimes cough up blood, but not that frequently. He was constantly at the hospital due to having weak lungs.) It must've just been an awfully long dream. He convinced himself that it was; otherwise, he had failed to make his first real loves happy.

_(He felt as if it was "real love"; all the girls that had dated him, he felt as if they were only attracted to his grades. They always broke up with him, saying something about how they felt as if he didn't feel the same. The furthest he had gone with them was holding hands.)_

If it wasn't real, if they weren't real, then he never failed to tell them how he felt.

He focused on the good things; he was glad to be out of that school, and he was glad to see his grandparents again.

He was glad that he wasn't in love with a man. He was glad that he wasn't in love with a murderer.

He was glad he wasn't in love at all. He'd never been in love before.

* * *

"You said you were in love with me," Kaito said it how it was. How else was he meant to state it?  
She stared back at him blankly, with a displeased look on her face. Shuichi felt like a third wheel, he didn't know what to do, or what to say.

"How much of a moron are you, Kaito...? Do I need to spell out what I'm asking you?"

"Nah," he sighed, "but how am I meant to know if I love you?"

Silence haunted the air. Maki looked dumbfounded, and Kaito was still looking at her. Shuichi spoke up.  
"Um...."" he didn't want to be rude, but he hated the awkward silence. "Kaito, you died for her, right? And she would've done the same. I'm pretty sure you lo-"  
"But Shuichi, I'd die for you too." He said, casually, as if it was the time of day. Shuichi felt heat on his cheeks. He was blushing.  
  
Shuichi opened his mouth, "Kaito, I guess I feel the s-", but before he could finish his sentence, Maki interrupted their "moment".

"I want to be with you, Kaito. Can't you say the same?"

"...what will we do together?"  
  
Maki looked away. "We could... hold hands? I want to... cuddle. We can go on dates," she was stammering. The way she was fiddling with her ponytails made it obvious she was nervous.

"Can't I do that with both of you?"

Shuichi would be fine with that. But he didn't know what Maki would think of it. There was yet another period of silence. Maki looked like she was pondering the question quite hard.

She looked back up and caught Kaito's eyes. "I don't want to lose you. I want to be with you. And Shuichi's nice, he's sweet... he's smart. You care for him, too," she sighed, but it was easy to notice her small smile. "I'll put up with the both of you."

"Maki, I'm glad," Kaito had a huge grin, but he looked like he was partly faking it, "but I haven't even asked Shuichi yet."

"Huh?" Shuichi wondered what exactly the question was. What was Kaito going to ask? Brimming with confidence, Kaito approached Shuichi. It hadn't even been a day since they'd reunited, but Shuichi felt as if they had already gotten as close, if not closer, than they were in the killing game. _(It was probably easier to bond with people when your lives weren't on the stakes.)_

"Shuichi."  
"Y-yes?" his heart was pounding. 

"Will you be my," Kaito looked back at Maki. "Will you be our boyfriend!?"

* * *

 

It turned out Maki had already finished school a year before Saihara and Kaito were meant to. That explained how she could just leave with a bag, break Saihara's window, and afford to pay it back.

She explained all this as she actually fixed the pane.

"I'm strong, and I guess it pays off," she said casually, as she cut glass for the new window, "turns out my parents are dead here, too. Tsumugi wasn't very original..."  
  
Shuichi nodded. He didn't know what to say - even if they were a few if not hundreds of miles away, his parents were alive and well. 

"So when I woke up, I just got up and left. Nobody was stopping me, and I had enough money from handiwork. If worst came to worse, I had a knife."

She placed the glass back into the window's frame.  "I don't think I ever said sorry for breaking this. So, I'm sorry...", she let out a sigh, and was slightly blushing,"Not just for the window. I'm sorry for acting like I only cared about Kaito, for not answering your questions. I care about you also, Shuichi."  
  
Neither of them had really confessed to each other; but they had both pretty much admitted to liking Kaito.

"I care about you too, Maki," he smiled, and she did too. Without a word, she went back to fixing the window.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jgFyCuKoEGA
> 
> yeah i edited this to be 5/5 instead of 5/6 because wtf idk what to write for chapter 6  
> thanks for reading <3


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